Feel free to laugh AT me, not with me.

Warning: This story is not for the faint of heart nor for the tight of pocketbook. This story involves waste and poor choices. This story involves the vision of sparks flying and possible electrocution. Needless to say ... this story involves ... me.

Remember when I so proudly blogged about my new LED tree lights? Remember how they took many hours to attach to the tree and I took a lot of Advil and in the end I didn't care? I may or may not have mentioned that I knew these lights were the kind to attach and unattach each and every year. I figured the "unattaching" portion would take less time than the "attaching" portion.

Oh ... how I lied.

Yesterday I awoke bright and early to finish the "undecorating" ... something that may actually give me more peace and satisfaction than the "decorating" part. There is nothing like breathing in all that extra space that has been hidden behind a myriad of Santa's and 15.45 pounds of Stale Christmas Goodies. I had started this process the day before and just had the tree to undo and pack up. That's all. Just the tree.

The ornaments were off in a jiffy and I started removing the lights. I had forgotten that part of my problem in the "attaching" process was that each string of lights was 50 feet long. The first strand came off with some difficulty and and the second one brought me to the brink of tears. At that point I figured out how I could recoup my investment by selling them on Ebay or pawning them off on unsuspecting friends for a fraction of the price that I paid for them. (And I'll be honest with you, I paid $9.95 for each of the six strands.) They were becoming so increasingly entangled on the tree as I tried to remove them that I got the bright idea (oh ... no pun intended here ... nor any humor in any form at all ... intended in any way) to just pull them off the branches and let them ring around the bottom of the tree. By now over an hour had passed. I now began to untangle the third strand.

At this point PDaddy entered and could tell right away that things were not going well. I told him how the lights were a complete waste and how I was not going to put them on the tree again next year. In true PDaddy spirit, he immediately pointed out that they would be much better lights for the outside of the house (and they would.) We then figured out that we would need 3 strands. In another 45 minutes, I recaptured a third strand. My sanity however was nowhere to be found.

PDaddy had left for work and I needed reinforcements to somehow rationalize what I knew I was about to do. I knew at this point that my plan would involve wire cutters and a trash bag. I knew that it was an ugly scene indeed. Most of all, I knew that I was throwing 30 bucks straight into the fire ... and I have a really, really hard time with that. Ms. VespaEsq came through (on the phone) with flying colors. She pointed out that if I had actually purchased a live tree, it would cost much more than $30 and that at this point, I would indeed be throwing it away. (My current plan didn't involve Boy Scouts, but I was able to get over that.) I'm thinking Ms. VE should start a website devoted to helping people rationalize. She has the gift.

So ... making very, very ... very sure that the remaining lights were not plugged in, I set out to snip them at the base of the tree. This part of the job was much more difficult than I had anticipated, but I had renewed strength and I perservered. I put them in a dark plastic bag and snuck them out to the trash. I felt a little like I was putting them into the trunk of my car to be taken out into the desert and buried in the middle of the night.

This morning when we took down the outside lights, I did the math and figured out that we will only need the first two strands when we hang them next year.

I'll try to keep you abreast on how my therapy is coming.
Posted by Picasa


Glamma Fabulous aka Kelley Smith said...

I've done the same thing, in fact just last year. But I bought the lights at 75% off the yearlier year and still felt bad about the waist. Again, these are the things that make me love you. Isn't it nice to have no secrets, we put our good and bad out there for all to see.. At least we beat others to the first punch,we are REAL and Gosh darn it, people like us!!!
GLad you are home safe.

Mary said...

OMG, too funny! When I'm through with MY therapy, I'll tell you about how we ended up with four (yep, four!) Christmas trees this year. Not a pretty story.

Hey, maybe we WERE separated at birth!

Have a great new year!

Angy said...

lol you poor thing! i totally would have done the same thing! haha

P Daddy said...

I suggested wire cutters because I didn't think your wrists would fit in them...glad the whole mess got untangled without damage to any persons or relationships. Nice talk/rationalization therapy by Vespaesq. She should go commercial.

pam said...

I'm a little confused. I thought the MAIN purpose of getting a fake tree was to get one WITH lights. We made that momentous decision last year(and survived a near family mutiny). Not having the annual light lunacy has made this girl one happy Christmas camper!